Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My guys won't tackle

Note: Originally published on my old MySpace account

I am afflicted. I have "electronics rage".

Don't know what that is? You're not alone. But nearly two in 10 Americans are afflicted with this disease (*I made that number up).

I break electronic devices and accessories. I get angry and something electronic has to pay the price. It could be because I get frustrated way too easily by video games that don't seem to make a lot of sense (like Madden, for instance, where every time you try to switch to the defender closest to the ball, the guy starts running the opposite way of the ball carrier! WTF?!). Sometimes I just get angry and the closest thing I can find to break ('cuz you gotta break SOMETHING!) is a remote control.

A short list of some of the electronic items I've destroyed because of this illness:

multiple remote controls
multiple video game controllers
2 car stereos
Desktop computer
2 Laptop computers
multiple keyboards and mice
Palm PDA
MP3 Player
DVD player
3 TV antenna
2 cell phones

Obviously I won't go into details on all of these. Suffice it to say, they started it! Maybe it's reflective of some deeper issue. Maybe I'm just an insufferable jack-ass with WAY too short a fuse and probably too much room on my credit cards.

So here is what I've done to try to curb this desire to lash out against Japan's wares. I bought a universal remote that is so cool I just can't imagine what I would do if I went back to 5 remotes. Logitec Harmony. Check it out, you won't be disappointed.

I also made a decision that I will never own another gaming console. Do I love the racing games? Affirmative. Do I get bent-assed mad at sports games and crazy-pissed at fighting games? Roger. I've just decided that it isn't worth it. $300 for the system and I end up with bloody feet after stomping the living sh!t out it after I fail for the 42nd time to get my C license on Gran Tourismo? Not cool, PS. Not cool.

Here's what you can do to help: don't piss me off. Don't be a dick, don't be a moron, don't be a jackhole. If you're my girlfriend, don't break up with me or cheat on me.

And if you see me coming your way with a scowl on my face, for God's sake, hide your laptop!

Here endith the lesson.

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